This has been an incredible time of change for Suzanne and I, and for me at least, change always brings with it some stress, fear and doubt. The decision to leave my career of three decades behind and strike out into uncharted territory at fifty nine to start a new business did not come easy. The years of preparation, planning, research and the expected rejection, while exciting, were also quite difficult. Excitement mixed with impatience makes a strange combination. Excitement and anticipation are very potent drivers, but impatience and fear can be huge speed bumps and course changers.
The decision we made was the result of a dream I had during our fast a few years ago. My prayer focus was on how to proceed in my career, which was dwindling. My dream was nothing short of life changing, never before or since have I been as close to feeling the tug of God on my heart. I spoke to Pastor Nick a couple of days after the dream, he asked me if it had scared me. I answered that it did, not in a fearful sort of way, but the idea that God had taken some time to let me know that if I was faithful and obedient that He would bless us with with it.
Before coming back to God a few years ago, I had spent thirty years in the desert as it were, knowing that God was there, but like a child, assuming that if I covered my eyes, He couldn’t see me. Now He was not only welcoming me home like the prodigal son, but dusting me off and sending me off on a grand adventure. I have to thank my Fight Club brothers who helped me discover that there was a better man in me than I had ever dreamt. God loves me!
I have been coming to grips with the fact that God has and will continue to bless me and my family, but in that He is also convicting me on a daily basis. Although I wake up early every morning fired up and ready to go to work, as soon as I get in my truck, I find that once again,
I’m the only person on the road who knows how to drive!
Why are you going slow in the left lane with a phone in your face and speeding up when I pass on the right! Aaarrrggghhh!
Why is the lady in front of me at the checkout with an oxygen bottle buying cigarettes and lottery tickets at the speed of smell!
Who has the tenacity to deal with LCUB and the Tn. Dept. of Revenue!
Why can’t this computer communicate with that one!
Why did my new neighbor move my mailbox yesterday and lean it against a tree?
That felt good to get off my chest! It felt good because all of these things are items that I need to be convicted of, I need to recognize them for what they are, my sins. There are places that I need to work on, sins that God has been convicting me of daily, not just to point out an ugly spot, but to show me that I can be more complete with God than I ever could be without Him. That my Savior Jesus Christ paid my price and redeemed me so I could have life more abundantly.
I’m starting to warm up to the convictions and the corrections, and yeah it was tough at first, but if I focus my attention not on the things that hit me but how I react and respond to them, I find a peace I didn’t have before. I’m counting blessings and praying thanks much more now, and I’m excited about what the future holds.
Just a few short years ago I was in a failing marriage with a career spiraling downward, I was a complaining, angry, bitter and selfish jerk. Then I came to Canvas. I’m mostly writing this to be say thanks to my Canvas family, my beautiful gift from God in Suzanne, all my brothers and sisters who have guided me on this adventure, mostly thank you Father!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!!
I am now in a fulfilled marriage with a new and exciting business, a fantastic church and a ministry in the jail.
Wonder what’s next?