In mine and Rick’s second pregnancy things did not going very well. I was hospitalized several times during this pregnancy and bed rest almost the whole time. Labor and delivery was absolutely horrible! I had all three children TOTALLY natural. Not even a Tylenol. So I had been thru this before and knew what it entailed. However, this was not a normal delivery. Extensive damage was done during delivery and I was advised not to have any more children. Are you kidding me? After the last eight months and that nightmare of labor and delivery I couldn’t even imagine EVER having another child. Adoption maybe..but, me have another…no way.
Three years later, I started having signs of being with child again. I ignored it thinking it would go away. After all, we were using three kinds of birth control. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. Well, after a few days I notice more symptoms. I was crushed. I was angry. I was desperate. I was scared. I knew I could get an abortion without spouse approval. I just wouldn’t tell anyone, not even Rick. I called around to see what was available. Yes, me, the pro-life advocate and I am so ashamed to even admit this to you now. I decided to make sure I was really pregnant and set up an appointment with my OB/GYN. I went in to the office by myself and felt a sinking sick feeling all over. I was wrestling with what was right and what I wanted. I left my “specimen” in the door and was walking away, when the nurse said, Mrs. Lambert come over here and watch. Ugh! I was an emotional wreck. She dropped the urine on the test and I watched it soak up to the control line and then my heart started pounding. In that split second between the control line and the result line the spirit of God fell on me and assured me it was His plan. He quickened my heart and let me know that this child was going to be especially for me. The positive plus line shined thru without any doubts and I laughed as loud as I have ever laughed before. I was ecstatic. Joy flooded me as I looked at that positive pregnancy test.
Could you imagine? What would my life be like without my sweet, loving Hannah? She sees things so differently than the rest of us. She loves unconditionally. See doesn’t see poor, rich, black, white, well dressed or rags. She sees the heart. She doesn’t see a crescent moon. She sees Jesus smiling at her. She isn’t afraid of lightning. She sees Jesus taking pictures of her. She doesn’t keep balloons to play with. She lets them go and Jesus is holding them until she gets there. This child was born as some would classify as “intellectually impaired.” But, everyone in our family feels she is an angel unaware. She has brought such joy. She has helped us to slow down and look at life and see the things around us as a pure mind would see them.
Has it been a struggle? YES! It took me time to accept the pregnancy and a very long to accept her special qualities. I kept wanting to fix her. We have had tears, heart aches, aggravations and times when we don’t have a clue what to do next with her. But the fact remains, she was given especially for me and I am honored to entertain this angel.
Only God knows the plans. We are to just simply follow.
And to think I was wanting to abort the biggest blessing of my life. Wow.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
And I believe this scripture with all my heart,