In my own life, there have been many things happen that have caused me to pause and take a look at my faith. James and I lost our first pregnancy on our 5 year anniversary and my family was told that my mamaw’s cancer hadn’t responded to the radiation and chemotherapy resulting in the unlikelihood that she would live past December. One of my deepest heart’s desire is to become a Momma, and upon finding out that it was just torn from me my heart was broken. At first, I was totally numb thinking, “How could this be so close and yet just out of my grasp?” A little over two weeks later, my mother called and told me about my Mamaw Dot’s news. Immediately, I was mourning a loss that hadn’t even happened yet. I didn’t get angry at God once, but I will have to say that I questioned just about everything that happened.
Luckily, I have one of the biggest blessings in my life, a partner that will always put me before himself and allow God to direct our paths. James’ prayers and words of encouragement through both momentous tragedies helped me focus on the Truth. I found myself in a valley, believing my God was and is going to have to pull me along for a while because I couldn’t do it alone. I realized I had to leave it at His feet in order to heal. He knew the outcome before it happened, and He was waiting with open arms for me to turn to Him for comfort. He would be my peace, hope, and even joy through it all.
I’ve prayed for God to heal my body and prepare the way for another life to grow someday. I’ve prayed for the Healer to erase all signs of cancer from Mamaw Dot’s body and bless her with a renewed sense of purpose. I prayed these things with expectancy. The grieving process is still not over, but it has got me thinking about a lot lately. I’ve only began to pray for the surface things. The physical elements are very frequently what we pray for, right?
In Matthew 11:5 Jesus said, “Go and report to John what you hear and see: the blind see, the lame walk, those with skin diseases are healed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor are told of the good news.”
Yet, now I think my prayers have finally begun to get to the heart of the matter. I asked myself the question, “Where is healing needed in order for my faith to take the lead and this feeling of hopelessness to dissipate?” My answer was quick. Most of the reasons I feel this way is due to fear. Fear of being broken and incapable of doing what my body was made to do as a woman, fear of loss, fear of not having my mamaw on this Earth anymore, and the fear of disappointing others. The answer was not asking for physical healing, but asking for mental healing first and foremost. I do believe that we should still ask for physical healing. I’m just observing that most physical ailments come second to the havoc they wreak mentally. Let’s take it back to the scripture.
Romans 12: 1,2 “Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”
This scripture speaks to me that I must sacrifice the physical and focus on the transformation I need; found by renewing my mind. If I focus my mind on God’s promises, my discernment of what my purpose is in God’s will can take the lead. I would no longer focus on the fear that occupies my mind, but the knowledge and faith that God’s will is being done in my life.
If God can make the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear, and the dead live, then my God can make this broken woman confident, bold, brave, and humble through the deepest sorrows of my life. I have found my hope in You, Father!
Please join me in saying this prayer:
Lord, today I pray for healing! Specifically, I pray for mental healing, Father. Bring sureness to replace our doubt, bravery to replace our fear, and humbleness to replace our pride. You alone can save us from our own destruction. Help us to call and lean on You immediately in times of trials. No matter the outcome, let praise fall from our lips! Help us to whole-heartedly believe that Your will be done in our lives and to give You all the glory forever!