I was sitting in a circle of women saying how “If God asked me to give up everything to follow Him, I would.” Luckily, He only asked for a few things. Within a short 3 months I was living in Iowa, 2000 miles away from everything I knew.
Lately, I have been thinking about Lot’s Wife and how she looked back on her town that she was being commanded to flee. I was thinking about her heart and realized there have been many days recently where I have been looking back from where I came, with a longing to be there again. Sometimes I wonder if God would have used me still, if I had stayed.
I miss friends and old neighborhoods but mostly I am missing my family. My Grandma is fighting with every breath against cancer and I just want to be there to make her a cup of coffee and sit with her. I want to lighten the load on my family as they struggle to love one another and care for our Grandmother. Most of my family doesn’t know God, doesn’t know the freedom that comes from grace. Couldn’t God use me there?
I had a woman from my small group tell me when I was leaving Oregon that, “God will take better care of them than you can.”
Thankfully, by the grace of God, I will not turn to a pillar of salt when I question where God has placed me. Deep down in my very soul, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, walking the road I meant to walk. Some days my heart deceives me and tells me I belong somewhere else. Today, I understand why Lot’s Wife looked back and I am thankful I am given the chance to turn around and move forward.
Proverbs 16: 9 In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the LORD establishes their steps.