The One

What has happened with the covenant of marriage in the church today?  Many statistics show that the divorce rate among the church is up near or above 50% which is slightly higher than that of the divorce rate in the secular world.  Now, I believe that the main reason that the divorce rate is higher in the church than it is in the secular world is due to the fact that many in the secular world are choosing to live together without getting married.  When they split, it is considered a breakup and not a divorce, but this by no means justifies the fact that about 1 out of every 2 marriages in the church today ends in divorce. 

Now, I am not here to bash anyone who has gotten a divorce or made a mistake in their marriage.  We have all made mistakes in our lives and all of us that are married have certainly made mistakes in our marriage.  In fact, I make mistakes daily.  What I am interested in knowing is why such a sacred covenant made before God has been taken so nonchalantly as of late.  At times I feel like we, as Christians, have lost sight of what a Biblical marriage looks like.   God’s word lays out very clearly what both the man and woman’s roles and responsibilities are in marriage.  I think too often, we feel like those principles don’t apply any more.  I am here to tell you that in 2 Timothy 3:16-17 it says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”  The Word of God is still relevant today, and it should be treated as such. 

It is my opinion that one of the main problems plaguing marriage in the church today is that we are too busy searching for “the one” that we lose sight of “The One.”  That sentence may be a little confusing on the surface, but let me explain.  Growing up, whether it be from media, friends or family we have been taught that there is that special someone out there for each of us.  That special someone is often referred to as “the one.”  Over time, I think that we begin to grow impatient waiting on that special someone and we begin to give our heart to anyone in hopes that they may turn into “the one.”  What we don’t realize is that we have this entire process backwards.  As strange as it may sound (in today’s world, I think strange is good because I firmly believe that “normal” is broken), we need to stop searching for “the one” and start focusing our attention on the one and only Creator God.  In Matthew 6:33 the Bible says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  I think that when we take our eyes off of ourselves and put our focus on Christ, things will begin to fall in place.  In fact, I don’t just think this, I know it.

Now, I am not saying that marriage is easy even when it is done right.  It is never easy to take two, mostly selfish humans and mold them into one unit. With God’s help, though, and the promise to always keep Him first in our marriages and families, those once “marriage ending” issues normally end up being bumps in the road in what should turn out to be a pretty incredible journey.



4 thoughts on “The One

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  1. I’ve been married for 16 years… and if it was a college course, I would have a PhD by now… but I still don’t feel qualified to say what works.

    I can say I agree with you James… and would add that through God, “marriage ending” issues can be transformed into “marriage fortifying” events.

    In my eyes, Marriage is perfect. The problem is the imperfect man and woman that enter into it.

    Let’s face it, human falibility is not only inherent in everyone… its manifestation is also inevitable. I feel an important part to a successsful marriage is to keep this in mind, and avoid holding your spouse to a different standard than you hold yourself…

  2. James so true we are inundated with ideas of “the one.” If we could get back to focusing on “The One,” HE will bring us the desires of our heart. Awesome job friend!

  3. Wow, great post, James! Your points are well taken, especially that we are always to have our eyes on “The One”. It would seem that in our world, that people focusing on “the one” are looking for someone else to fill the void inside them, when the truth is that no other human can fill the holes in our souls. There IS only ONE who can do that…perhaps it is like Pascal wrote that we all have a “God-shaped hole” inside of us, and until that hole is filled, there is nothing and no one else that can do the job. There is none successful but Yahweh/Jehovah/Jesus!

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