“Friends are not primarily absorbed in each other. It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up—painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.” CS Lewis
I love my marriage and will admit the hardest part is nurturing a friendship with my husband. I want to be his everything and yet forget to make time to enjoy his hobbies. I love to hear his laughter and rarely make time for the things that bring him laughter. My heart fills with joy when I hear him speak of his dreams and ideas and yet most of our conversations are filled with responsibilities.
When Ted and I first moved to Iowa, he was my only friend. It took time for both of us to adjust. When you don’t know anyone around, your dependence on each other becomes vital. I’m not talking about responsible dependence, I mean for laughter and joy and dreams. When there is no one else, would you turn to your spouse? Why don’t we take the time to make that our first choice, even when others are around?
Our journey in Iowa taught us both a lot about our need for each others friendship. For me, more than him. I realized I had never really opened that part of myself to him. I had lots of good friends and didn’t really need him to provide that for me. What an amazing transformation it was to allow him in to be my best friend. More than the provider or love I had planned on him always being, he has become the one I depend on for the most intimate of laughter, accountability and joy.
Are you friends with your spouse? Are you doing anything to nurture a friendship or just depending on other people for that role in your life? What are ways you keep your friendship a priority?