We had been married almost three years. You would have thought we had dealt with some of our past relationships. Maybe it was because we had started talking about having children. To be honest I am not completely sure why. But, in what seemed like an overnight change in attitude, Ted couldn’t forgive me for past sexual sin. Sin that had happened before we were even dating. That is how I saw it.
In Ted’s eyes, he just wanted me to reject any past relationships that were not about love. At the time, he asked me “I you could go back and change those decisions… would you?” I said “No.” I told him, “my past mistakes make me who I am today.” I didn’t understand that what he needed to hear… is that I would save myself for him if it were possible to go back and do so. At the time, I didn’t understand why that was so important.
It was a huge turning point in our marriage and one of those moments, to be perfectly honest, the only conversation we have ever had, that brought up the word divorce. How could something that had happened so long before our relationship began cause so many problems?
Purity was not a word I knew. Being a creation of God was not a term I understood. Value for my body was not as important as my mind. Sex was just a tool to be loved, if even just for a moment. My family talked alot about sex. My sisters and I knew the terms, mom sat down and explained in all the details to keep us knowledgeable. We were taught about birth control, even taken to the local family clinic and given handfuls of condoms. God was not a part of the conversation.
No one told me I didn’t have to have sex. Seems a little crazy, doesn’t it? I once asked my mom why she never taught me that my body had value. She told me, “It was your decision to have sex.” Yes, yes it was. But, I was 15 and I didn’t really know I had a choice. I didn’t know there was another way. I didn’t know that God has a plan for sex. I didn’t know it was more than just a physical thing between two people.
The path of repentance and forgiveness is a beautiful road and I am blessed to have a husband willing to work through such a hurdle. Together we have discovered that God created sex. He made it wonderful and enjoyable and perfect when done in His plan, between a man and a woman, in marriage covenant. It is perfectly physical, perfectly emotional and perfectly spiritual.
Sex Matters. It is time that we, as a Christian community, teach God’s truth for sex. Don’t let our society make it meaningless and worthless. As someone who has walked in the shoes of sexual sin, don’t forget to show compassion and teach new life. While we can’t get some things back, Christ still makes all things new.